Baby Has Two Moms

I Swore I’d Never Be “That” Woman

I think that I have finally come to that point in my struggle with infertility and TCC that I would never come to.

Last week yet another friend had a baby. Yes, that is 3 births for people close to me since Two and I started TTC. I realized today as I tried to dodge the phone that Two  was trying to hand me to say congrats that I hate this woman. I hate her for being my age and getting knocked up by mistake during a glorified one night stand. I hate her for never wanting children, but not having the guts to abort when she found out that she was pregnant, and I hate her for saying to me today that she has never been the “maternal type”. The worst part of all? Coming to the realization that I hate myself, not for hating her, but for not being able to have my own child.

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March 2, 2007 - Posted by | Life

4 Comments »

  1. i have no words to make you feel better. but i wanted to say i am sorry. i’m spending a fair amount of time hating my sil for being pregnant (by accident) for the third time since i started ttc. i know it’s not rational, but feelings are not rational.

    sending you love.

    Comment by twomomsarebetterthanone | March 3, 2007 | Reply

  2. Delurking to offer support during this difficult time…

    Comment by jerseytjej | March 11, 2007 | Reply

  3. I hear ya sister.
    My cousin’s 3 kids are a time line of our failures. 5 IUI’s, 5 IVFS…not one pregnancy…two times were we had a 19 and 25 beta.. I hardly count that as anything.

    It’s painful, weird, and makes me feel somehow alien to the rest of the world. I have no magical answers…but I can say we aren’t so alien…because we aren’t the only ones.
    You aren’t alone.

    Comment by Lisa T. | March 18, 2007 | Reply

  4. Newly pregnant women tend to get the lion’s share of my bitterness. I hate announcements. I can’t pretend to be happy for them.
    Women who are closest to me who nearly to term get all the sweetness. I throw showers, bake meals, remember the first day of scheduled leave, offer to babysit.
    It’s all smoke and mirrors. If they can’t see that I’m bittter, then I deserve to have my own, right?

    Comment by Jessica P | March 19, 2007 | Reply


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