Baby Has Two Moms

On Smacking Women in the Supermarket!

Things are kind of quiet around here as we continue to look at donors and try to narrow it down and order long profiles (my goal is to get that done this week) and wait for the new cycle to start. I hate waiting!

While we were shopping this weekend we ran into a woman with 4 very cute kids at the local warehouse store and later at the local superstore. This was a blended family. African American woman, Caucasian daughter, African American older son and daughter, and mixed race youngest son he was about 3 (this is the surface reading…we all know that with genetics this could be a misread). The kids were well mannered and helpful in the store and the  youngest child decided to strike up a conversation. twoftwo thought that the mass of curly hair was endearing I thought that it needed to be cut or braided…we had the child/hair discussion again 🙂

We saw the woman about an hour later and struck up a conversation about her kids at the superstore because they were still being polite and well behaved after shoppping for so long. She made a joke about the little one’s hair and twooftwo told her about the conversation that we had at the warehouse store. The woman laughed and said that she usually keeps his hair braided. At this point the eldest boy (who was seemingly not of mixed race) said “I think that he needs a haircut”. This was not said in a disrespectful or snippy way…just a kid comment. At this point the woman’s disposition totally changed. She turned to the older boy and snapped at him “You’re just made because you don’t have good hair!”.

At this point I wanted to knock the woman right in the mouth! I said goodbye to the children and walked away. I left twooftwo there to talk to Idiot Woman by herself. She beat a hasty retreat and we couldn’t decide what was worse…this woman making her older child think that he wasn’t as “good” as the younger child because he wasn’t of mixed race and/or had kinkier hair or that she was favoring the child of her current relationship over the child of a past relationship. Absolutely infuriating!

The short of it is that I didn’t actually smack the woman in the supermarket, but someone should have. I worry about the way people treat children and how they might treat any children that I might have and/or one day. There is a good chance that these children will not have the same biological makeup and that they may be different. Maybe we should just become hermits!!


June 27, 2006 - Posted by | Life, On the mommy track?


  1. I understand your anger, but don’t be so quick to judge that woman. The older child usually picks on the younger child until he cries several times daily. It gets tiring, stressful and very sad for the parent. Any differences get blown out of proportion by both children but mostly by the older, more articulate child.
    It’s usually the younger one that ends up having self-esteem problems from being picked on, badgered, teased and beat upon by the older one every day of his life.
    The mother was probably being protective of the younger one, knowing all this and living through it. It’s a natural response and one you’ll come to know and recognise in yourself if you have the three children you want.
    Good Luck!
    Karen B.

    Comment by Karen | June 15, 2007 | Reply

  2. Unfortunately there is so much nasty history with race and “good hair” vs. “bad hair” in the African American community that I am loathe to cut her any slack. She is simply perpetuating the intra-racial prejudice that has been tearing our community apart since the antebellum period in the US. There is no excuse for this kind of thing and while I can understand that she is a product of our community (where many of our members privilege lighter skin and straighter hair), but I can not excuse her and I don’t think that I am being quick to judge. Having 4 children at home is no excuse for acting out this kind of racism on her own children.

    Comment by one of two | June 15, 2007 | Reply

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