I Swore I’d Never Be “That” Woman
I think that I have finally come to that point in my struggle with infertility and TCC that I would never come to.
Last week yet another friend had a baby. Yes, that is 3 births for people close to me since Two and I started TTC. I realized today as I tried to dodge the phone that Two was trying to hand me to say congrats that I hate this woman. I hate her for being my age and getting knocked up by mistake during a glorified one night stand. I hate her for never wanting children, but not having the guts to abort when she found out that she was pregnant, and I hate her for saying to me today that she has never been the “maternal type”. The worst part of all? Coming to the realization that I hate myself, not for hating her, but for not being able to have my own child.
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Whadaya Have to Say About It?
marie on 1 more day Gina on 1 more day Carrie Jo on 1 more day Allyson on About GeoMari on 14 dpo!
i have no words to make you feel better. but i wanted to say i am sorry. i’m spending a fair amount of time hating my sil for being pregnant (by accident) for the third time since i started ttc. i know it’s not rational, but feelings are not rational.
sending you love.
Delurking to offer support during this difficult time…
I hear ya sister.
My cousin’s 3 kids are a time line of our failures. 5 IUI’s, 5 IVFS…not one pregnancy…two times were we had a 19 and 25 beta.. I hardly count that as anything.
It’s painful, weird, and makes me feel somehow alien to the rest of the world. I have no magical answers…but I can say we aren’t so alien…because we aren’t the only ones.
You aren’t alone.
Newly pregnant women tend to get the lion’s share of my bitterness. I hate announcements. I can’t pretend to be happy for them.
Women who are closest to me who nearly to term get all the sweetness. I throw showers, bake meals, remember the first day of scheduled leave, offer to babysit.
It’s all smoke and mirrors. If they can’t see that I’m bittter, then I deserve to have my own, right?